Good Night Dune

After thoroughly enjoying Julia Yu's unexpected mash-up of Margaret Wise Brown's Good Night Moon and Frank Herbert's Dune, I am almost tempted to watch ALL of David Lynch's movie of the same.  Almost.

Check it Out Here!!!

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Dog V. Sheep

Cora just couldn't get her head around the idea of "sheep hurting."  "Why does the dog what to hurt the sheep?" she asked.  I tried and tried to explain to no avail.  I could only rephrase "the dog isn't 'hurting' the sheep, it's 'Her-ding' the sheep to get them together in a group or a herd" so many times so I turned to Youtube.  The top search result on google didn't quite to the job of explaining what "herding" is, but it made me laugh.

Check it out:

It's hard to tell who is herding whom. 

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Update

Following is an update for my blog:

I'm doin' fine. I have plenty of time on my hands given my house husband status and all, but what I've found is I have so many other things to do like pouring concrete in the basement or doing dishes that updating this blog falls way down the list of importance.

So there's my update.

A message from the guy in payroll

This biweekly message from the guy in payroll is a story that has obvious import for today's political wrangling.  Enjoy:

On this day in the year 752 B.C., Uriah the Beggar petitioned the court of Pharaoh to provide adequate health care for all the citizens of Egypt.  Pharaoh considered the proposal, but was quickly beset by The Barbers of Cheops and The Potions and Salves Union,  powerful lobbies representing surgeons and pharmaceutical companies, who convinced Pharaoh that if health care was universally available to all the citizens they might lose some of their income trying to compete with a government-sponsored plan.  If that happened, they reasoned, they might not be able to provide Pharaoh with a new chariot of gold each year.  Shortly thereafter, Uriah the Beggar was deemed to be an enemy of the state and was tossed to the crocodiles in the Nile, discouraging anyone else from suggesting such an outrageous proposition.
 
1 day until my birthday, 39 days until our next holiday, 148 days until Christmas (and can’t you just feel it creeping up on you, just like an old spider), and 6942 days until I retire.

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Report on "Unpaid Furlough Week: Day 1" by Ben Randell

Yesterday was the first official unpaid day of the furlough week which my employer instituted to save $450,000. Since I don't have a supervisor this week, I feel the need to report back to the general public about my time of not making money.

I got up when our walking talking alarm clock woke me around 7:45 am. I heard stifled giggling and felt something touching my nose. I opened my eyes to see Cora touching her nose to mine and staring into my eyes. I guess that's what I get for sleeping so close to the edge.

Kim and I took Cora to school and had a quick meeting with the director of the school. On the way home, I talked Kim into stopping by the donut shoppe. That took about 2 seconds. After ordering, I realized cash was in my other pants. We were sent away with two donuts and a "shiny pink" cupcake for Cora. After eating my donut, I took the dog on a walk to burn and pay for our empty calories. Snapped a few pictures of lawn ornament Virgin Marys. (Kim's wanting to keep an eye on the neighborhood Marys, to make sure they don't get out of hand I guess.)

This one is watching over a couple of trics

This one seemed kind of bored standing by the roses and staring at a wall.

She has some company.

She has a little protection if it rains.

Lucy really liked this sign. I didn't even notice it. Didn't think it was talking to me.

I'm fixing the back fence this week, so I went to Lowe's and got my supplies:

• 1 Wheelbarrow
• 12 - 40lb bags of Sakrete brand concrete
• 4 - 8 foot posts

I got home and put the wheelbarrow together before mowing the lawn in preparation for a house showing we had at 5:15.

I also cleaned up a bit in the house. When the showing rolled around, we took Lucy on walk number two for the day (probably a sign of the end times in her own eschatology). It was a good walk when it started.

Nanna was fine in the stroller, but began to ram herself into things. Cora gave her repeated stern talking to's to no avail. In short order, Cora quickly became tired and needed Kim to carry her. I was put on stroller duty. Cora perked right up when she saw the "steeps" she likes to climb.

I was ready for a sit down and took the opportunity to spy on the people looking at our house down the block.

They were leaving by the time we got back. After a meal of Mac&Cheese, cucumber salad and brocolli chop Cora finally got her cupcake.

Alright!!!!

Cora and Kim went upstairs for the bath and I worked on the floor trim in the kitchen.

After Cora's bedtime, Kim and I looked at houses online, watched an episode of "Flight of the Conchords," and went to bed to rest up for Tuesday. You know what they say about unpaid furlough? "Another day, another ______."

End of report...up next: "Report on Unpaid Furlough Week: Day 2" by Ben Randell

the blog

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Furlough Voice Mail: Record Your Version

11 hours and I'm on furlough. I'd be happy if it weren't for the whole losing a week's pay bit. What is money besides the tender with which we purchase our daily essentials? Who needs those anyway? I know I don't.

In the day and age of corporate branding, my employer has asked all employees to utilize the scripted voicemail message below. I've been rehearsing the last few days with different inflection, tone, and demeanor. As my friends back home can attest, I'm not so talented with voices. Most impressions I undertake have a way of sounding like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

That's not to say I'm some Pat Fraley (II) of something. By no means do I have his talent or range. I can't compete with the voice of Krang AND the Delivery Gnome in the 2007 straight to DVD smash hit Garfield Gets Real.

That's where YOU come in. Take a couple of minutes to record your version of the following message. To do so, just click on the "Call Me" button at the top right corner of the blog. Enter your phone number and it will call you. You can then leave your message. I will post them later, so leave only the identifying information you want the entire World Wide Web to have.

Note: To protect my employer and my job, I've changed a couple of things about the script.

Now have at it.

Voicemail message Script:

“Out of office message. Hello, you have reached (your name) in (your work area) at UniCorp International. I will be out of the office and not checking voicemail during the week of May 17 – My 23 due to a mandatory furlough of UCI employees. This weeklong furlough provides significant savings for the 2009 budget during this challenging economic time. Please leave a message and I will respond to you when I return to the office Tuesday, May 26th after the Memorial Day holiday. If this call is an emergency, please press 5003 followed by the pound sign now. Thank you.”

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A Shout-Out to My Friend Sarah

I have a new show that I really like. It's currently filling the void left by the cancellation of "Arrested Development" and spanning the lag between when I first watched season One of "Flight of the Conchords" and when season Two comes out on DVD when I can get it from NetFlix. The new show is called "Sit Down, Shut Up."

It's by the same guy that did Arrested Mitchell Hurwitz. I new it was coming out and had seen some promotional videos with Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, but I did not realize it began airing on Fox on April 19th until my friend and colleague Sarah Vial said something about it. Unfortunately when I used the school symbol on a post yesterday, I failed to make this shout out so here it is:

Sarah told me about this show and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Check out the blog

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This Day in History from the Guy in Payroll

We are on unpaid furlough next week, which means reminders from the Guy in Payroll come that much earlier.  Enjoy:

On this day in 1853 - Gail Borden Jr. applied for a patent for condensed milk.  Whoever thought to add sugar to it and created sweetened condensed milk is my hero.  Does anyone else need to buy two cans when they need one for a recipe so they can eat the other can while they’re cooking?  It’s not a staple of my diet, but I sure do like that stuff.  Another tidbit of completely useless trivia is that Gail Borden was distantly related to the infamous Lizzie Borden.  I’ve already bored you with my love of the movie The Legend of Lizzie Borden starring Elizabeth Montgomery of Bewitched fame.  See, six degrees of separation applies to everything.  If you prattle on long enough, everything eventually comes full circle.
 
11 days until our next holiday, 78 days until my birthday, 225 days until Christmas, 7019 days until I retire.

Go to my Main bloG 

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What do YOU think about No Child Left Behind?

As you may not know, the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, currently called No Child Left Behind is coming up for reauthorization soon.  NCLB was a big topic during the run-up to the election last year but lately given the economy, environment, two wars, Miss California and many other detractors, it's faded into the background.    

There are lots of questions and opinions whirling around about education.  We've all been in schools and we all think we know how to fix them.  Should we offer vouchers?  Is high stakes testing working?  Should the Federal Government be in education at all? How can I go back in time and recapture the feeling I had the night I was crowned Prom Queen?  

Arne Duncan wants your thoughts about the direction of our public school system.    

As we prepare for the reauthorization of No Child Left Behind, I want to hear from classroom teachers and other educators, parents and students, business people and citizens.  What’s working, and what’s not?  What do we need to do that we’re not doing, and what do we need to stop doing – or do differently? -Arne Duncan

You can submit them at the Department of Education's blog.  The current discussion is on education standards. Here's the discussion starter::

Many states in America are independently considering adopting internationally-benchmarked, college and career-ready standards.  Is raising standards a good idea?  How should we go about it?

Happy Discussin'

Check Out My Blog!!! 

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Stephen Colbert @ 2006's White House Corespondents Dinner

Can't talk about this year's dinner without mentioning Stephen Colbert's appearance in 2006.  It's well worth another look.






http://sciencevandal.blogspot.com

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White House Correspondents Dinner 2009

I like the White House Correspondents Dinner, an annual event that brings together celebs, rich folk, politicians and media types.  It doesn't achieve anything momentous.  Okay, it raises a little money for charity, something like $23K this year, which is nice and all but pales in comparison to the great need that's out there, not to mention the ungodly amount of money spent on fancy food, drink and cloths.  $23 thousand is a drop in the bucket comparatively speaking.

The reason I like it so much is there are jokes being made at the expense of politicians that are actually in the room.  It brings together political leaders of many stripes, wait two party system, BOTH stripes and shows them coexisting and having a little bit of fun.  They can disagree wholeheartedly without hatred or deep rooted disdain, at least none that shows.

Anyway, this year is Obama's first (you didn't know that did you?) and I think he did just fine.  While Wanda Sykes was an interesting choice for the main event, she did get several good jokes off on Obama, which would have been a challenge to most other comedians.  Anyway, check 'em out: 

Obama Speech: Part 1


Obama Speech: Part 2


I laughed hardest at the John Boehner (R-OH ) joke.  What color is that guy anyway? RGB 255 128 0?


Wanda Sykes Routine: Part 1


Wanda Sykes Routine: Part 2



http://sciencevandal.blogspot.com

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Top Five Middle School Hijinks Movies.

In No Particular Order



Son of Rambow


Rushmore


Sandlot


School of Rock


Goonies

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This day in History from the Guy in payroll

I actually look forward to what The Payroll guy adds to his reminder to enter time into the payroll system every 2 weeks.  Here's the latest:

On this day in 1994 - The Edvard Munch painting "The Scream" was recovered after being stolen 3 months earlier from an Oslo Museum.  I *love* that painting.  I had it  on a mouse pad for years and years (well, not the actual painting, but a reasonable facsimile—lest anyone take me too literally and think I am an art thief during my off hours).  Eventually, the image was rubbed off by miles of mousing over it, so I retired it.  That painting pretty well sums up my emotional state for the past few weeks.  If you’re not familiar with “The Scream”, here it is:  



I know I shouldn’t say it, but great googly moogly I’m looking forward to the furlough week.
 
I’ve seen a couple of great tagline on emails recently that made me laugh.  Maybe others might need a good laugh as much as I did (assuming you also find them funny):
 
“When I was a kid, I used to pray for a bicycle, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.”
 
“I’m so busy I don’t know if I just found a rope or lost my horse.”
 
18 days until our next vacation, 85 days until my birthday, 232 days until Christmas, 7,026 days until I retire.

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So this is what an intervention looks like.

After work last Wednesday, I barely made it home before Kim and Cora.  Opening the door, I stepped into a situation I thought I would never experience.  An Intervention.  Dropping my bag on the floor a saw this group sitting on the couch.



In my mind, I could hear them begin.  "Ben. This is an intervention. As Cora's friends, we all love you very much. We are concerned that you are spending too much time on the computer reading your Facebook friends' updates, watching "the Colbert Report" and Tweeting.  We've tried to reach you other ways, but those have obviously failed."

"What do you mean 'other ways'? What have you been up to? Have you been messing with my computer?"



I could have sworn that the leader of the group Baby Stella (fourth from left) said, "We've got our ways of getting things done."




"Wha? How...Who did it? Poo Bear? Nana Bear? You guys didn't mess with my computer did you?"



Hippopappamus (3rd from Right) chimed in, "Leave them alone. They don't know anything about the I-Pod."

"I-Pod?!?"

"No, No, I meant the desktop, what was it a Dell?  Those are pretty good computers.  You had that one for a while didn't you?  You got a new one right? Hey Piggy.  You've seen the new computer right?"

"Okay Guys. I gotta go.  It's been great talking to you.  This intervention is over." 

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I Don't Quite Know What To Think of This

Let me start by making the following confessions:

1. I get the whole nationalism thing.
2. I understand why one loves his/her country.
   
3. I admit that I'm not the most patriotic person that I know.
   
4. I'm also guilty of taking the freedoms I enjoy in the US for granted.
   
5. I know that at times I fall into the "blame America first crowd."
   

Confessions made, I must say "I don't understand this e-mail." I got it today and have been trying to organize my thought. I have a bad feeling about it, but as of yet have been unable to explain why. It seems to conflate Country and God. It makes an analogy between US soldiers and Jesus, which if taken further makes the President of the United States God. I like the guy we've currently got in there, but I'm not ready to worship him.

Check it out and let me know what YOU think.

On The Blog

On Twitter

On Facebook

-----------------Forwarded Content Below This Line----------------

A mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Iraq ?' A mother asked this President.. 'Why did my son have to die in Saudi Arabia ?' A mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Kuwait ?' Another mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Vietnam ?' Another mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Korea ?' Another mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die on Iwo Jima ?' Another mother asked President... 'Why did my son have to die on a battlefield in France ?' Yet another mother asked President... 'Why did my son have to die at Gettysburg ?' And yet another mother asked President... 'Why did my son have to die on a frozen field near Valley Forge ?' Then long, long ago, a mother asked.. 'Heavenly Father .. why did my Son have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem ?' The answer is always the same... 'So that others may live and dwell in peace, happiness, and freedom.'

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Now I understand the "Twilight" Phenom

I watched the first 15 minutes of "Twilight" with my wife the other day.  At the time, I didn't get why she along with so many others love the Twilight stories.  Not to say I haven't tried.  A couple months ago, I went so far as to apply a temporary tattoo that fell out of Kim's copy of "New Moon" and had been sitting on the floor of her car. I thought I was getting into having "I [Heart] Edward" on my right arm until the next time I took my shirt off in front of Kim. I still have trouble putting words to the look on her face.  Shock? Jealousy? Doubt in her choice in mates?

The problem was I unable to imagine where the story was going.  I was blinded by seemingly flat acting, worn out story line and nonsensical dialogue. This evening I watched the trailer to see its dramatic arc and like Paul on the road to Damascus my vision became clear and I found a new and abundant appreciation for Twilight. 

Check it out and see for yourself why I now can reaffirm what was once just a sales gimmick plastered across my right deltoid: 

"I [Heart] Edward." 

http://sciencevandal.blogspot.com

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"This Day in History" according to a guy in Payroll

The guy in payroll sends a reminder every other week that we need to enter our hours into the payroll system.  At the end of each he adds a "This Day in History" addendum.  Here's what he wrote for April 23, 2009.

On this day in 8481 BC Zog Jones discovered fire and cooked the first Mammoth cutlet.  His wife, Glurg, said, “Hhmmpf gorbek mishoba nontille.”  A literal translation is difficult because caveman idioms are much different than ours, but the gist of it was, “How come you never take me out to dinner?  You stopped finding me attractive after the children were born.  You’re sleeping on the rock tonight.”
 
32 days until our next vacation, 99 days until my birthday, 245 days until Christmas, 7040 days until I retire.

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No really, I'm a hard worker.....Sometimes

My wife does such a good job keeping up with her blog that I've decided I need to keep up with her.  In so doing, I am already resorting to piggy backing her posts.  Actually, I'll be drawing out memorable bits that are all about me and engaging in a little bit of self aggrandizement.

Check this out if you've ever wanted proof that I know what a hard day's work looks AND feels like.

Yes, those are my matchstick legs trailing behind the tiller.

Again that is me playing the part of a Jesus figure flanked in suffering little children and pushing a rototiller.  Never mind the Jesus part but look at my daughter.  She looks like she might suffer if I were to catch up with her.  I promise I was not chasing her with that contraption.  I promise.

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So that's why my resume is ubber-long.

@Robcorddry passed this video along via the Twitter. I don't quite know what to make of all of this.   

 

It goes a long way toward explaining why my resume is quickly approaching the "Flake" stage of its development. Two and a half pages and growing.  The baby boomers seemed to keep a job for life.  Somehow I don't stay in a job for longer than a Monarch's life. And somehow the butterfly gets further than I do what with their summering in the US and Canada then wintering in beautiful "Me-he'-co." (An oversimplification I know, since it's grandkids of the Canadian butterfly that make their egress over the Rio Grande and into Mexico.)  

I've got to either keep a job for longer than a year, print my resume front and back to keep it on two pieces of paper or travel more.  With technology expanding the way it is, in 5 years, keeping a job longer than a month will be a major feat, paper resumes will be obsolete and I'll be able to transport myself all over the world and through time with some Google service currently being dreamed up in Google labs. 

Technology both horrifying and titillating at the exact same time.

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Anthropomorphism can be a real jerk. Take 2

Welcome to the family new I-Mac.  It's been a long time coming, but you are finally hear to clean up all the clutter in our lives.  You sleek, sexy aluminum clad thing you.  I love how you just sit here and let me type random thoughts on you like you have nowhere else to go, nothing better to do.



I dim the lights to set the mood and you glow like a candle on a moonlit night.



What's that you say?  Oh no, pay no attention to that.  It's nothing.



Just a pile of computer scraps, you know old cables and the like.  Relics from a bygone age relegated to the scrap heap destined for the Good Will. Nothing to be worried about.  I'll never toss you away like that. 

What?  Oh no, the shoe shine kit stays.  I know I said that stuff was going to...No you can't have it.  Why do you need it anyway?  The country blue shelf?  No we're not keeping it.  It's ugly.  Yes it would hold lots of knick knacks.  No I will not hang it behind you.  You are supposed to help clean up my life. 

Hey listen.  I really need to go.  My...hey another human is IM'ing me.

Damon:  So Apple, eh?

me:  yep.

I'm digging it.

Damon:  What components you go in there?

me:  hmmm?
Damon:  You know, the electronics and stuff

me:  oh ya.

a 24 inch monitor I-Mac

with an Intel  2.66 gig processor

640 gig hard drive

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